beanie babies
i like boys.
there i said it.
and while i’m a big fan of those whom stand whilst they pee, i consider myself ridiculously picky when it comes to dating. let’s just say no GED=no coco. if you can’t name at least 3 brands of imported beer by heart, don’t even think about it. and you MUST have hands-on experience maneuvering that tricky thing called a ‘toilet seat’ to have a snowball’s chance in ‘h-e-double hockey sticks’ with the coco.
with such stringent prerequisites, you can only imagine how difficult it can be for me to find “mr. right” in a sea of those that can’t help but snicker when they hear the word ‘nutcracker’.” but my lofty standards have served me well over the years: rarely have i found myself in the company of a man who doesn’t appreciate a bottle of ernest and julio’s finest. and i’ve almost never been asked to front the bus fare or pay at the drive-through window.
yet, there’s something that’s threatening my tried-and-true boy screening process…
it’s those sexy a$$ beanies.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beanie
i don’t know what it is about a boy in a beanie, but those tight knit hats have the same effect on me and my judgement/libido as an open bar does on pat obrien’s flirting skillz. (http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/227154)
here’s the deal: you wear a beanie, coco will fall in love with you, regardless of all other factors/characteristics/deal-breakers.
exhibit a: i recently saw a home-challenged, skull-cap wearing wino chillin’ on la cienega and…well let’s just say (thankfully) my friend refused to stop the car after much begging and an almost real threat of physical violence.
exhibit b: on a cold day last week, i casually asked my beanie-sporting UPS man what brown could do for coco, if you know what i mean.
so dear boys who like to get your skull cap on, you have been duly warned: coco cannot and will not be held accountable for her actions if you dare sport a beanie in her presence.
but for the love of knitted accessories, let’s just hope this obsession doesn’t lead to any beanie babies. ( ;
happy hump day, y’all.
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