for those who’ve felt personally victimized by regina george
high school coco wanted the UN to declare the celebration of valentine’s day a human rights abuse. worse than water boarding, our marching band’s torture was inflicted in the form of carnations sold for $1 and delivered to people’s valentines during class.
they were even kind enough to color code the cruelty. red for love. pink for friendship. white for secret admirer. the popular regina george types ALWAYS got enough flowers to cover a rose bowl parade float, especially red and white ones.
coco would have to settle for a solitary pink one from her best friend, the brainy valedictorian. carrying around my scarlet letter of loser-dom, it would be painfully obvious to me and everyone else at northeastern clinton central school that no one was besotted by a chicken-legged girl with shiny braces and a bad perm.
after a better haircut, puberty taking hold in all the right places and a healthy dose of self-confidence, grown-up coco now loves the day devoted to love. and while it’s mostly because i’ve finally stopped waking up in the middle of the night shouting, “PLEASE deliver me from evil…and by evil i mean CARNATIONS!” it’s mostly because i enjoy celebrating the non-traditional things that bring love into my life.
1) i LOVE that jane fonda said c*nt on the today show this morning. that’s sweeter than godiva chocolates!
2) i LOVE that ellen degeneres gets her drycleaning done at MY dry cleaner. i was only 5 feet from her assistant and her soiled suit jackets on valentine’s eve. the loveliest part? ellen recycles her wire hangers. i bet joan crawford LOVES that too.
3) i LOVE that the junior senator from Illinois is kicking a$$ and taking names. yes, i’m in LOVE with obama.
4) i LOVE that one tree hill is back on the air! even more love-worthy? last night’s guest star k-fed, who showed us that his lack-o-talent isn’t confined to rapping.
5) but mostly, i LOVE that i’m surrounded by some of the warmest, kindest and most intelligent people a girl can ask for. thank you all for tickling my soul and sending my heart lots of symbolic carnations. i love you for that.
happy valentine’s day, y’all and don’t forget to tickle all the souls that help you be a better person than you were yesterday.
xoxo,
coco
You own it!
Regina George. How do I even begin to explain Regina George?
Regina George is flawless.
She has two Fendi purses
and a silver Lexus.
I hear her hair’s insured
for $.
I hear she does car commercials.
In Japan.
Her favorite movie is Varsity blues.
One time, she met John Stamos
on a plane.
And he told her she was pretty.
One time,
she punched me in the face.
It was awesome.
She always looks fierce.