schmeer campaign

west hollywood is an amazing community. i mean, really, how can you NOT love a city with a 90069 zipcode and phallic zoning?! move over 90210…you’re so 1992.

every inch of its 1.9 square miles is filled with beautiful architecture, lush flora and friendly neighbors who bid you “hello” as they walk shrunken dogs who oft wear more clothing than their owners.

indeed, weho is TRULY magical place to live.

that is, unless you live in the vicinity of my apartment building.

for the last few months, my front stoop has fallen victim to the mysterious stoop schtuper. shrowded by darkness, mr. stoop schtuper leaves assorted food items (preferably spoiled or difficult to clean) smeared along the building’s stairs and handrails. at first we attributed the infrequent sprinkling of cheddar popcorn to one of the neighboring liquor store patrons. but before long, it was evident that tuesday’s mustard incident and wednesday’s apple sauce offering and thursday’s crisco-along-the-railings contribution (god i hope it was crisco) was begining to look more like a schmeer campaign.

now i wake up every morning wondering two things: 1) what new celebrity is knocked up and 2) what did the stoop schtuper leave for us this morning? sadly, our friend has exceeded all my expectations and has stooped to new lows. yes, it appears the stoop schtuper has found a source for horse poop. that’s right…he has diversified with equine dookie. poor coco started her last two mornings with a coffee and a pile of poo–both steaming.

so as the sun sets on my beautiful weho, i wonder what my tomorrow has in store. since the guy has a thing for horses, i fear that it’s only a matter of time before it heads in this direction…

pray to god the father for me and stay safe, y’all!

~ by lollibela on February 19, 2008.