you’ve been…THUNDERSTRUCK!

27 May

happy memorial day weekend, y’all!   i’ve been looking at your facebook pics of BBQs and beach trips, and y’all really know how to throw down, summer style.  go on with your summertramp bad selves!  you’ve totally inspired me to burn cook some ribs tonight and attempt to burn bronze my alabaster legs at the beach tomorrow*. i should note that both activities will likely result in a trip to, at best to the first-aid aisle at CVS, and at worst, cedars sinai’s emergency room.  it’s okay, though…they know me well at both locales.

i wish i was doing this right about now…

but while y’all are basking in the sun and wearing your white pants for the first time in 2012 (please tell me it’s the first time???), i’ve put myself on fun-restriction today so i can look for a job.  which means i’ve read every blog i can think of, made six shots of espresso (OMGISOWANTTOTYPEINALLCAPSRIGHTNOWOMG!!!!), and watched eight two episodes of “say yes to the dress” (don’t judge).  and then coco finally, actually, truly applied for a job…

and it was for a writing job! for a celebrity media publisher! OMGISOWANTTOTYPEINALLCAPSRIGHTNOWOMG!!!!

and how does one do this? well, i have no idea, really.  so i decided to write the world’s most ridiculous cover letter (see below…and disregard the parts where i’m kinda sounding like a braggart…puke). you see, i figured if i’m gonna get a writing job with a resume that SCREAMS ‘public health person’, my cover letter better grab the person in a “throw ’em on a bar stool and do a lap-dance to a ridiculously bad-a$$ song like this” kinda way if i’m gonna have a shot.

and while such letters will likely get me fired before i’m even hired, i figured i needed to harness all my inner-summertramp and give it to ’em good.

so potential job….it’s official. you’ve been…



dear potential employer-person,

hi! you’re probably sitting at a pool right now, drinking a beverage with something muddled in it. or perhaps it has chiffonade basil in it? i don’t really know what “chiffonade” means, other than if it’s mentioned on the cocktail menu, you’re paying at least $15 bucks for it.

i, on the other hand, am looking for a writing job, and will avoid the adult beverages until at least 4 pm. well, that’s the plan.

so here’s the pitch part…i’m an awesome writer. at least my friends tell me that. i’m sure my mom would, too, but i don’t let her read my stuff. i’ve been blogging for six years about my misadventures in hollywood, and love, love, LOVE a good story.

this is the part where you hopefully visit my blog:

as you can probably tell from my site, i’m kinda in love with hollywood, it’s starlets, and all the fabulosity/disfunction/DUIs/nips and tucks/glamor. i wake up in the morning and my first two stops on the innerwebs are and…and am in love with suri’s burn book. and every time i hear a helicopter overhead, i wonder what big-named celeb messed up now. it’s a good life.

here’s the deal…you’ll open my resume and likely scratch your head and say, “this gal is a public health wonk”. and you know what, i kinda am. the thing is, i’ve done a ridiculous amount of writing in these jobs, from super technical pieces about malaria to ghost writing for desmond tutu. and every boss i’ve had says i need (yup, “NEED”) to be a professional writer. and i’m finally listening to them and am ready to do this.

so if you are piqued, let’s meet and see if we’re a good fit. i’m right down the street and super excited to get my write on. and to see what happens to amanda bynes over a long weekend.



* i caved on my shopping restriction and bought a new bikini on thursday.  it wasn’t my fault…it was totally on sale and looked almost good on my translucent, zombie-esque skin.  damn you, shopping restriction!

One Response to “you’ve been…THUNDERSTRUCK!”

  1. Nancy dubuque May 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm #

    Go for the writing in Hollywood I know you can do it !!!!!!! Your mother was here for dinner. I showed her some pictures but no writtings. I told her you can write.

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