(i’m such an) a$$ a$$ a$$ a$$ a$$ a$$ a$$

15 Jun

i interrupt today’s regularly scheduled FUTURE EX-HUSBAND FRIDAY programming to bring you what could be coco’s most embarrassing moment. and you should realize the list of “coco’s most embarrassing moments” is both REALLY long and impressive. and even more ridiculous astonishing? said catalog of foibles is exclusive of the “coco’s most embarrassing moments while drinking” list. in aggregate, they would make “war and peace” look like a quick read.

adding to ‘coco’s list of embarrassing moments”

and it all started with a harmless monday night trip to target.

after my OCD-cleaning fest earlier in the day, i depleted all products that contained bleach in my home (and i might have depleted the contents of my wine rack at the same time). i also needed a myriad o’ toiletries (and might have gone two days without using deodorant). lastly, the cat was less-than-happy with her litter situation and was making her dissatisfaction with her pooping accommodations clearly known. this trifecta of need forced me to make an unscheduled trip to that red-and-white place that overwhelms my senses and, often, my pocketbook.

at least the creepy target lady from those xmas-time ads makes me feel normal in comparison

my target trip started off great. i only bumped into display stands twice and avoided buying any of the cute summer dresses they so ungraciously tempted me with. but i did go off my list and found myself in the microwave oven section. i might be the only american who’s lived without a microwave for longer than 30 seconds. in fact, i’ve cooked things the olde-fashioned way for more than 3 years and have somehow lived to tell the tale. but now that i’m on a tight budget and forced to actually eat leftovers (sadface), i figured having a microwave may save me some money down the road.

i was met with a bevy of microwave oven choices and the resulting feeling of being overwhelmed and under-informed. they had confusing things like “cu ft” and “power output watts” and “convection” and other things listed on the boxes that hurt my pretty head. i could hear that there were others in the aisle equally confused as to what they should buy. that’s when noticed that they were two older, sweet NUNS who were very animated in their microwave-decision ’12 discussions. so, of course i decided to walk over and rudely insert myself join their microwave debate. i mean, I AM CATHOLIC (well, on paper, at least) and they seemed really nice and they might have some good insight since they are pretty close with the big guy upstairs, right?!

the nuns told me that they already bought one but they returned it because it was too big (and i was really really REALLY amazed proud that i didn’t say my requisite, “that’s what she said” or “size matters”.) they were now trying to figure out what size would work best for them (still kicking myself…don’t say it coco!). i showed them the microwave i liked but said i needed to do some research before i bought it. they worried that i may miss out on it as there weren’t many in stock. i told them that i could do my research right then and there with my iPhone, and offered to look something up for them.

as i pulled out my phone and opened up safari, this picture of big sean popped up on my screen (minus the strategically placed red box)…

i figured big sean would be a mac guy…

thankfully, i somehow acquired momentary ninja skillz and, in a nano-second, pulled the phone away from the poor Sisters’ eyes before the picture fully loaded.

i don’t think these sweet women of the cloth noticed the picture of big sean’s junk, and we went on with our microwave discussions unfettered. well, they were unfettered. i, on the other hand, proceeded to sweat profusely and turn red like a beet. after a bit more small talk, they decided it was late, and that they’d come back tomorrow to buy their new appliance. and i decided that i was officially going to hell.

the good news? i got the microwave (which ironically just happened to be the smallest one in the store) and now lovingly refer to it “big sean”.

hope y’all have a big weekend!

One Response to “(i’m such an) a$$ a$$ a$$ a$$ a$$ a$$ a$$”


  1. accidental beauty « livin la vida coco - January 28, 2013

    […] (which included a screening of shia laboef’s beef rod…fyi: what is it with coco and her pre-occupation with famous-persons’ phalluses?). finally, after dropping f-bombs like a boss and rebooting the phone, i was able to FINALLY get […]

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