team coco

6 Jun

well hello there!  gosh golly i’ve missed y’all.  the whole “gainfully employed, wake up at 7 am, try to fix homelessness” thingy has your coco running on fumes.  and sadly they’re not rum fumes.

mmmmmm, ruuuuum.

ok i digress.

mmmmmmmmmmm, ruuuuum.

ok, ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE RUM!

can you believe it’s been 8 months since i turned in my welfare queen tiara got back into the daily grind? and over these 6-pack plus 2 months, i’ve realized that i’ve been sucking at doing fun stuff like going out and writing and stalking george clooney.  fancy smart people might say that coco’s been ‘myopic.’  i’d say that coco is just plain boooooriiiiiiing.

1313166115543751

oh and i’m getting old too.

and i’m temporarily looking after my boyfriend’s cat.

so for those who are keeping track, i’m an old, boring lady with two cats.

f*ck.

after waking up in a cold sweat, screaming, “WHERE’S MY BUTTERSCOTCH CANDIES! I NEED CAT LITTER! OH MY HIP! MMMMM, SPAGETTI SUPPER AT THE KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS!” i realized i better attempt to get my groove back.

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and people…it’s not been easy.  it seems that everyone that goes out is 16, wears ridiculously cute outfits that are effortless and barbie-sized.  they are into all the cool bands that sound like new diseases or hipster drinks…or new diseased hipster drinks.  and how can i succeed in this alternate universe?  well, i just try to avoid saying things like, “when i was in high school we pegged our jeans too” or “what is a ‘sigur ros’?  wait…is that that new fancy store in the beverly center?”

so when i got an invite to see the hot new band “the mowgli’s” at the conan o’brien show, i wanted to hide in the fetal position as i held my “sigur ros” close…OK WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT’S A SIGUR ROS ALREADY?!! you see, my BF and some of our friends are besties with the band and they’ve known them forevs and hang out all the time and stuff.  and since i spend 8 hours a day with homeless peeps and rarely shave/wear no makeup and don’t go to see cool bands cuz i have to get up butt early and i still don’t know what a “sigur ros” is, i am not part of “team mowgli”.  the few times i’ve hung out with them, i just smile and nod a lot and try NOT to ask them if they’d like me to show them how to peg their jeans properly.  i’ve become so good at this, i’m pretty sure they think i’m that odd, yet agreeable mute girl.

so to make matters worse, i had exactly 8.73 minutes to shower, shave and get ready for the conan show.  i had to somehow look all “late-night talk show” appropriate/hey i kinda know the band hot/i’m not trying too hard/i totally know who sigur ros is” chic. um, yeah.

but i did have two things on my side:

1) i invented “team coco”and never threatened to sue conan’s tall ginger-a$$ once! ok there might have been that one time but i was drunk…

2) i’m kinda a big deal in the late-night talk show circuit. exhibit a:

leno anc coco

so because of these two important elements, i was pretty sure we’d get to sit in the front row where i could smile and nod and pretend that the razor burn around my groin area didn’t make me wanna curl up on conan’s couch and sob.

instead, they must have gotten wind that i didn’t know what a sigur ros was, and unceremoniously put us in the nose-bleed seats.  curses! but i didn’t mind as i was with the cool kids who were with the band and they didn’t seem to care that my cute new shorts kept riding up my bum in a not-hot way and that i didn’t go to coachella and that i might have tripped (twice) while walking up the stairs to our seats.

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and just like that, conan cried, “please welcome THE MOWGLI’S!” of course everyone went nuts and sang-shout to their hit “san franscisco” along with the mowgli’s 1,455 8 band members.

and as quickly as it started, it was suddenly done and i quietly began to mourn my raging razor burn short brush with fame.  but then, all of a sudden-like, one of the cool kids whispered to one of the staff people and we got to walk down to the stage and hug all the mowgli’s and be all “yeah, we’re with with the band. deuces”.  of course i did the ultimate cool thing and congratulated one of the guys, who ended up not being a mowgli at all (my god there’s so many of them how do people keep up with them all!).  but other than that, i didn’t trip walking down the stairs or mention how i had far better seats at leno or ask them if they’d sign my boob…so i’d say the whole thing was a net-success.

so while i’m still working to get my groove back and the skin around my groin, i am starting to feel the love!

One Response to “team coco”

  1. Nancy Dubuque June 7, 2013 at 6:51 am #

    Welcome back and glad you are back. If you are old I am antique! So, you have now a boyfriend another cat and a new job. That’s sound like you have a very busy life. What about the acting? Does the boyfriend know about you two timing with George? Love Ya

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