words are usually my holy trinity of therapist, healer, and protector. but now, words just wrestle in my head, only to funnel into swirls of bleck in my heart. the result? my fingers just lie on the keyboard, listless.
but i know i have to write. words of devotion. words of love. words of celebration. words of grief. because she deserves all my words. even if the words that frenetically flow in weird staccatos of ineptness totally suck. so bear with me, y’all.
two months and two days ago i said goodbye to my sweet yazzy.
as you can tell from my “livin la vida coco” artwork, my journey has actually been “our” journey. while i like to think this blog is about a gal and her cat trying to figure sh*t out, we all know that yazzy knew what was up. it was coco who had much to learn (and still do). and time and time again she’d just flash me that trademark look of utter judgement tempered with a modest dose of “oh mummy, it’s gonna be ok…come over here and pet me you silly lady” and make everything better with her yazzy awesomeness.
a couple years ago i was lucky enough to guest blog about our adventures spanning nearly two decades. and i’m so freakin grateful that we were able to share our wonderful story. in a disposable world where i’ve found myself uprooted more times than a kim kardashian spouse, she has literally been the one thing in my life that was constant. she was often the first face i saw in the morning, she was usually the last i saw before sleep. and let’s be honest…there’s something about cleaning up someone else’s poop for 17 years that really creates a bond. and there’s something about cleaning up poop for so long without remuneration that clearly established in both our minds who was boss.
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- pretty hair don’t care
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- when this carpet gonna fly, lady?
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- caturday realnus
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- got hoodrat things to do
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- b*tch please…i can sit anywhere i want
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- ohm
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- someone wants swedish meatballs
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- our thing
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- kinda like d*ck in a box…but different
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- can’t. handle. the. pretty.
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- smize!
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- Ahhhhhhhhh!
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- fierce
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- tequilla runs in the family
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- it’s a sunshine day
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- devil wears prada
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- f*ck you and that santa guy
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- is it caturday yet?
all in all, she had a wonderful life. she lived for love. toys, treats, fancy climby things did nothing for her. all she ever needed was a good conversation, a scritch on her pretty head, and to be near. the simplicity of her life requirements for such a complex creature are not lost on me. it’s like john lennon was channeling my yazzy when he penned, “love is all you need”. sure she wasn’t born yet and she’s a cat, but those who knew her will support the notion that if any cat could build a time machine and go smoke weed with lennon and yoko, she’d be the one.
the last year wasn’t a cake walk. but she showed her trademark moxie and faced each battle in a way that’d make a mike tyson pre-face tattoo shudder. she took on blindness and became as cool as stevie wonder, less the beaded braids (trust me i tried). and yes i laughed every time she bumped into sh*t. and she just sashayed to her desired destination, ignoring the a$$hole who scoops her sh*t. she battled hypertension and hyperthyroid and me shoving pills down her throat with grace. but finally, her kidneys began to age faster than her spirit. she let me shove needles in her back to give her fluids (i often shoved vodka bottles in my mouth before for liquid courage). we tried potions and elixers and pills to help make her feel better. we gave the vets most of my salary for 2 months. and in return, i had the most loving cheerleading squad that fought intensely for this little lady. and even though she was a huge c*nt to them, they loved her feistiness and special brand of regal-ness and let me know about every minute victory she experienced while she was in their care. we would have R&B nights at the vet hospital and i’d play and sing along with baby-making ballads (her favorite second to lesbian folk rock) like maxwell and d’angelo and r kelly while she got her kidneys flushed. her last month at home was tough, but she let me do everything i could to try to make it better. and i told her every day to let me know when she was ready. and on april 15th, she did just that. and she was brave and regal and full of love till the very end.
i can’t write any more. my heart hurts. my head hurts. but talking of stevie wonder, i can’t help but play “as” over and over and over these past few months. and it’s these words that fill my broken coco heart with some solace:
Did you know that true love asks for nothing
Her acceptance is the way we pay
Did you know that life has given love a guarantee
To last through forever and another day
Just as time knew to move on since the beginning
And the seasons know exactly when to change
Just as kindness knows no shame
Know through all your joy and pain
That I’ll be loving you always
i’ll be loving you always, sweet yazzy.
livin la vida coco 
