Tag Archives: grey gardens

grey gardens

14 Jun

 

so let’s just get this over with…

i found my first grey pube.

i like to think that i’ve lived an interesting life. my purposely vague few dozen years on this earth have been filled with a healthy level of turmoil mixed with a splash of discomfort and a dash of disappointment, rounded out with a dollop of surprise and adventure.  as such, i’m not easily shaken by life’s little twists and turns.  if my emotions were personified, they’d be a husky midwest girl who doesn’t bat an un-mascaraed eyelash when she has to evacuate into a basement to evade a twister or deliver a two-headed heifer with her bare hands.

and while i actually haven’t delivered a baby cow or evaded a tornado…i’ve ran after a purse snatcher on Chicago’s mean streets. and in complete anarchy against social norms, i’ve actually worn brown and black together. twice. clearly i’m a woman who’s feathers are not easily ruffled.  and cumulative fucks given?  about 0.25.

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and let’s be honest..getting older doesn’t come as a surprise. we grow up being warned about the weird things that happen as we age.  my sudden butterscotch and black licorice cravings? they haven’t caught me off-guard.  the ever-growing need to look things up on urbandictionary.com?  disappointing, but understandable at my age (note: do NOT look up “truffle butter”).  my desire to tell kids to get off my lawn?  completely normal per what i’ve been told.  in fact, i’ve been awaiting the harbingers of old-fogeyness with a mix of giddiness and resolve.  mostly cuz my t*ts are still quite perky.

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but hello?!!! why have ZERO old people prepared me for that first glint of silver DOWN THERE * points to my crotch *??? THIS BASICALLY MEANS I MIGHT AS WELL BE 116 AND OMG HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE WHEN MY BOOBS STILL LOOK THIS GOOD AND CLEARLY THIS IS OFFICIALLY THE OFFICIAL END OF MY YOUTH, WHICH HAS BEEN SQUANDERED WATCHING OLD GOSSIP GIRL EPISODES, EATING STRING CHEESE AND INTERNET SHOPPING!!!

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so as i try to sober up find meaning in all of this, i’ll be distracting myself with ordering a life alert, watching grey gardens because those ladies know how to get down with the old and crazy, and seeing if urban dictionary has a term for my crotch plight…

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and if they don’t, someone might have submit “grey gardens” for their consideration 🙂

 

 

 

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